“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness” – Martin Luther King Jr., civil rights leader and Nobel Prize Winner
In 2014, while still living in Russia, I got the opportunity to work on a company-strategic project along with 14 other colleagues from various functional divisions from across the globe. On the briefing day, the former CEO personally handed us an envelope with the project assignment but he also gave every one of us a copy of the book “Give and Take” by Adam Grant. Although it’s considered a business book, the quintessence, i.e. people who help others without expecting anything in return (Givers) are most likely to succeed than Takers and Matchers, is even more powerful in our social life outside work.
I am not shy to share that I always considered myself a Giver rather than Taker or Matcher. But I think I only understood the true value of Giving in Rwanda. And I am not talking about its narrow meaning – the act of providing financial or material support to people in need, which of course is the most commonly understood aspect of Giving, particularly in the developed world.
Volunteering in the broader sense can transform your life, and the life of others. It did for me.
I recognize that in today’s busy life, it can be very hard to find time to volunteer (referring to the same critics as those on Minimalism). However, my experience showed me that it doesn’t need to be set in stone or turn into a part-time non-paid job, unless you want it to be that way. It’s more about making some space for it in your current life, on a regular basis.
In my case volunteering took many different forms, for example, secure funding and building a playground for a local school, make a photo-shoot for a women empowerment cooperative, teach tennis at my children’s school, help out a local school’s extra-curriculum activities, deliver a workshop on the benefits of play for a local school, then another photo-shoot for a local fashion designer. Material donations and smaller acts of help don’t count. However, if I count the hours I’ve been involved in these activities and compare it to the number of hours I spent on social media for the previous five years, I might not like the outcome.
Giving helped me become a more self-aware, caring, socially-responsible citizen, more human. I may not live in Rwanda or elsewhere in the developing world now but I still feel the drive to give, help, and serve to a bigger than me cause…
Finally, research shows that volunteering has a lot of benefits, not only for the recipients but for the Givers as well: it can provide a stronger sense of purpose, create a feeling of accomplishment, foster stronger social connections, reduce stress, help learn new skills and even improve your physical health.
I am constantly asking myself – what is wrong with our modern society which seems to have way more Takers than Givers. Why is our educational system not adjusting to teach these so important values and skills? Why don’t we, adults, make more efforts to establish Giving values in our circles of influence? Do we really care or we just go with the flow?
Key Message #6: Don’t go with flow. Stand up for the values you hold. Make space in your mind and a little time in your life to give more. Life is not a zero-sum game.
It may all sound a bit too naïve (or cliché) to you now, and I can understand that. The thing is it doesn’t really matter how it sounds. Words are words and remain such unless we take action.
For a long time, I’ve been taking a lot of things for granted. Including the positive and stimulating environment in which my children grow. Rwanda changed that as well.
In our first year in Rwanda, I started up a Playground initiative. As a volunteer. The first project, which was realized at a local pre-primary school, created more demand which led to the construction of further playgrounds, this time on commercial terms. Meanwhile, other opportunities made their ways to me – networking with experts and educators, workshops and a conference speaking.
I left Rwanda and I handed over the initiative but the passion for children didn’t leave me. On the contrary, it guided me to the point of making a decision to start a certification in Child Development and apply my transferable skills in a related professional area.
As a snow ball effect, these changes while living in Rwanda created mental and physical space for other smaller transformations.
Rwanda awoke my senses and curiosity to learn, experiment and do things I used to postpone even though I did have time for them. It started with painting, then transformed into photography, to exploring new topics and books of interest, which in turn lead me and a friend of mine to start up a Book Club – monthly meetings for connecting our minds, inspiring each other and discussing books, articles and video content from various fields. I am still thinking how I could keep that up here in Bulgaria.
The desire to experiment and challenge myself then spread to sports. The usual tennis, running and fitness were replaced by completely new types of physical activities: yoga, boxing and mountain biking.
In parallel, I was working on a project base for a market research company. Although it did give me some sort of flexibility, I realized that home-office is not ideal for me. I needed those personal connections. But before all, I wanted to work for a meaningful cause.
The last half-year in Rwanda was very intense and even more inspiring. Besides the playgrounds I joined a start-up striving to develop local capacity for modern and high quality furniture production, which was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. That was my first entrepreneurship experience, moreover in a very different business environment and local culture so it was tough and I felt hopeless at times, but it was all worth it.
Key message #7: Embrace uncertainty. Stretch the boundaries of your comfort zone. Don’t get trapped in the comfort of your habits.
I know I sound like those self-help books and I would understand if you feel skeptical about it. But let me tell you something – I could have had a very different life in Rwanda – doing my project-based work from home and just enjoying the benefits of living in this “exotic” environment. Instead, I took another path, constantly kicking myself out of the comfort zone and embracing certain risks. Rwanda just facilitated the transformation.
Back in Bulgaria
I’ve recently come across the following quote on expat-life:
“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, like you’ll not miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.” – Azar Nafisi, Lolita in Tehran
I disagree with the first part. I not only miss my friends from Rwanda but I am already doing plans how to meet again. Yet, I feel there is a lot of truth in the second part of the quote. It’s the survival instinct which pushes us to adapt to new environment, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, my challenge for the months to come will be, how to adapt back in Bulgaria without sacrificing on any of the values and aspirations I’ve been living by in the last three years…
To end up on a more positive note, let me share a random selection of moments from our life in Rwanda, which I called:
“This can only happen in Rwanda”
1. It’s an early afternoon. I am at the local wood market, in a small dark workshop for metal products, placing an order for one of our furniture projects. It suddenly starts pouring outside so I have no choice but to wait in the workshop. The storm gets worse, the light from the bulb hanging from the ceiling goes off and the workshop gets even darker. To the extent that I only see the silhouettes of the several men in the workshop. I can’t even hear the voices of the men.
It was only when I got home later, when I realized the crazy situation I had been in the workshop, with several men in a complete darkness, in the middle of a deafening storm outside. And then it struck me: I have adapted so much to the local realities that I haven’t felt any threat during my stay in the workshop.
2. I am on my way to pick up the girls from school, with our dog Snowy wagging her tail happily next to me. I walk into a one-way street, opposite the driving direction. A car is driving towards me, in the wrong direction, obviously taking a short cut. As the car slowly approaches me, I recognize the plate number and driver face – a high level diplomat from one of the European embassies, whom I know thanks to our doggy playdates. He pulls off next to me, rolls down his window and with a smiling face tells me that his dogs really misses Snowy and would be happy to play with her soon.
My first reaction is of course, to smile back and respond that Snowy would be happy to meet his dogs. Then a minute later I realize that the diplomat wouldn’t have done what he did, were we living in a western country, driving in the forbidden direction and pulling off just to say hi to a friend with a dog on that street 🙂
3. I am sitting cross-legged on the cold floor in a nearby Mosque. No, I haven’t changed my religion. I am just tired after months of being woken up by the early morning prayers. It used to be ok before but for almost a year, the Mosque was using speakers and the noise was unbearable. Unfortunately, I was the only one from the neighborhood who dared to take action. As much as I respect other religions, I simply couldn’t stand getting woken up every single morning at 4.45 am.
So, here I am, with the Imam and 5 more Muslims sitting in a circle, trying to explain the issue in the most polite way. I was impressed by their politeness and understanding, too.
Well, this didn’t really help a lot. Only after a few days of silence, they started again. Fortunately, a few months later, and apparently after multiple noise pollution complaints from other people, I got my piece.
4. A male gorilla – the family boss (also called Silverback) – is chewing on a green juicy bush about 7 meters away from me, with his eyes on me. We are a group of 8 tourists, a security guy with a gun, a park ranger and 2 of his helpers, deep in the bush of Virunga Volcano Mountains. All of the tourists were well instructed before the meeting with the Gorilla family. I start a video on my camera. The Silverback doesn’t seem to be impressed by us, neither by my camera. Then, after 15 seconds, he suddenly throws the brunch and starts walking in my direction. My hearts jumps up in my throat. I remember one of the guide’s instructions which says that I have to get lower and look down, expressing submissive behavior. I expect the worst. Nothing happens. I carefully look up and the corner of my eye catches the Silverback peacefully chewing on another bush right to me. Thanks God!
5. Sunny morning. It’s the day for my first playground’s real-life test with the children from a local kindergarten. They are all happily running around the playground, pulling me by the hand into all directions, rushing from one play structure to another, climbing, sliding, jumping, swinging, exploring … or quietly observing and feeling overwhelmed by all these new challenges. Teachers running after them, trying to prevent the structures from overload and to encourage the children at the same time. My heart is singing. These 50-60 children will now be able to play outside everyday – developing new physical, emotional and mental skills thanks to the power of play. My heart is singing.
The list goes on…
Rwanda transformed my life in many different, positive ways, and I hope that these changes will continue fueling my strong desire to realize more meaningful and impactful life or work projects. When there is a will, there is a way!
The End.
To read Part 1 of this post, click here.